Wedding bells

My fellow Malaysian Arabic student will always remember that you should not – ever – ask a Saudi if she has a boyfriend. Unfortunately my Malaysian friend didn’t know that until a couple of hours ago. She does now, after she asked our – Saudi – Arabic teacher if she has a boyfriend. The following moments could be described as… awkward! And it’s because in the Muslim world, you’re either single, engaged or married. There’s no other status in between, thus no boyfriends!

Thanks God our teacher is forgiving; she actually proved to be very patient as another student asked her how the Saudis meet their husbands. Fair question, if you consider there’s no place or opportunity for Saudi men and women to get to know each other. Men and women do not have any contact to each other outside of family.

The solution is obvious: the families arrange the marriages; still I found the whole protocol very interesting. Usually, the young man’s mother would notice a nice, well-mannered young woman whom she’d find worthy of her son. The son would normally have given a couple of physical criteria to his mother, who can easily look for the perfect girl for his son, since she as a woman is able to see other women's faces and hair. It can also happen that the young man himself notices a friend of his sister’s and initiates the engagement procedure himself. After this first step (young man’s family is interested in a young woman) comes the official family encounter, where both families meet. Most importantly, the young man is allowed into the women’s room, where the young woman appears without any abaya or headscarf, so she shows her face (without make-up) and her hair (as natural as possible), and she wears her normal clothes (typically a long skirt and a blouse). And if it was not enough beauty for the young man’s eyes, he also gets to see her legs! After that first encounter, both young man and woman tell their parents if they like each other. If both of them do like each other, then the engagement is celebrated. A dowry is paid, and a whole jewellery set is given to the future bride.  The engagement period usually lasts a couple of months, so the fiancés have time to know each other a bit better. Both sides are still free to call off the wedding if they don’t like each other after all. 

A student then asked the teacher: What about love? She answered in a laugh: “It comes after!”

That’s the typical procedure; of course it greatly depends on the family’s wealth, traditions and conservative / liberal views. For instance there are still cases where the fiancés do not see each other before their very wedding day. Or families which don’t allow their daughter to cancel the wedding. Fortunately, there are also – rare – weddings celebrated between young people who are already in love with each other!